THE LAST UPDATE...
A YEAR IN REVIEW:
PART iv
Well, I’m finally here - graduation. As cliché as such an admission sounds, its ubiquitous nature in no way degrades how true it feels right now. As I write this last reflection, one of the last real essays of my college career, I begin to realize how fleeting the time was. Despite this, I in no way fee this time was insignificant. It mattered. It still matters; and the time I have spent at the University of Cincinnati is an undeniable part of who I am today.
I came into this year nervous of what was to come. I had re-injured my bad knee again over the summer and my rehabilitation was proceeding at a snail’s pace compared to the fast pace set by the fall semester. I felt like my technique had regressed, and yet I was being asked to begin looking for dance companies that I might want to audition for and prepare a |
portfolio of photos and videos that would show my ability to succeed in a professional dance environment. It was predictably overwhelming, but just because I knew that the job search would be difficult did not mean I was any readier physically to audition. Even now, I struggle daily to balance the pain of injuries old and new with the demands of ballet classes and long rehearsals.
If I had to point at a single event or learning experience that defined my senior year for me, I couldn’t. More than any other year as a college student, this year has been an amalgamation of lessons. The synthesis of my experiences personally and professionally up to this point, though, had brought me to what I would like to believe is the mindset of a professional dancer. To quote a piece of advice I heard this past year, “A professional dancer is defined by stability, consistency, and artistry. Find these qualities within yourself to succeed.” Learning to work through pain without permanently damaging my body, developing public speaking and teaching skills, working hard in spite of self-doubt; these skills will allow me to become a confident, adult dancer. That is my goal.
I now can acknowledge an uncomfortable truth: that I’m never really going to feel ready to take the next step in life. There will always be regret for missed opportunities, nostalgia for good times in the past, and fear for an uncertain future. I am comforted by the knowledge, however, that such feelings are nearly universal. Just like how I never really feel ready to step onstage and perform – because surely if I just had more time I could finally become perfect enough to warrant applause – I am never going to be satisfied with what I have accomplished so far. The drive of an artist prevents it. I can be happy with a performance retroactively, just as I am so grateful for my college experience now that it is ending, but I will continue to push forward into the unknown.
In many ways, I have grown and changed so much since my freshman year, but the words I wrote when applying for college still ring true to me as I am now, and will remain so for years to come, I think…
Dance enumerates who I was, am and will be; It is the love story of my life. Ballet calls to me, saying:
“I bet you cannot jump higher, reach longer, move quicker!” I counter with nothing more than a song
and a dream, certain in my ability to someday touch the ceiling of the world.
If I had to point at a single event or learning experience that defined my senior year for me, I couldn’t. More than any other year as a college student, this year has been an amalgamation of lessons. The synthesis of my experiences personally and professionally up to this point, though, had brought me to what I would like to believe is the mindset of a professional dancer. To quote a piece of advice I heard this past year, “A professional dancer is defined by stability, consistency, and artistry. Find these qualities within yourself to succeed.” Learning to work through pain without permanently damaging my body, developing public speaking and teaching skills, working hard in spite of self-doubt; these skills will allow me to become a confident, adult dancer. That is my goal.
I now can acknowledge an uncomfortable truth: that I’m never really going to feel ready to take the next step in life. There will always be regret for missed opportunities, nostalgia for good times in the past, and fear for an uncertain future. I am comforted by the knowledge, however, that such feelings are nearly universal. Just like how I never really feel ready to step onstage and perform – because surely if I just had more time I could finally become perfect enough to warrant applause – I am never going to be satisfied with what I have accomplished so far. The drive of an artist prevents it. I can be happy with a performance retroactively, just as I am so grateful for my college experience now that it is ending, but I will continue to push forward into the unknown.
In many ways, I have grown and changed so much since my freshman year, but the words I wrote when applying for college still ring true to me as I am now, and will remain so for years to come, I think…
Dance enumerates who I was, am and will be; It is the love story of my life. Ballet calls to me, saying:
“I bet you cannot jump higher, reach longer, move quicker!” I counter with nothing more than a song
and a dream, certain in my ability to someday touch the ceiling of the world.
PC: Rene Micheo, JuJu Stojanovic